Obligatory Post

Not much to say today, but I might as well try. My SC2 addiction is pretty detrimental to my life, and my loss of confidence in psychological therapy ever since studying about them kinda puts me in a position where I don't want to seek help.
The thing is, I watch SC2 alot more than I play, remember the almost 10 hours I spent watching MLG, what the fuck was I thinking, the matches almost put me to sleep cuz of the turtle fest by terrans but still I watch. Is that what substance abuse addicts are like, they continue in their behavior simply cuz its normative? There's probably some study on this subject already, I realize there's so many research articles, they can probably be classified as as a intellectual spam. the kind of spam that requires 4-8 years of post secondary schooling putting the average person heavily in debt. What a depressing thought...yet...that's what I'm pursuing...I've made so many mistakes.
Heck...I've no motivation
Do people that pursue these degrees actually derive pleasure, like from television or Starcraft? I can say for certain I've never met these people.
If given unlimited funds, how many of these scientists will still work in their fields? maybe I should try to look at people currently pursuing these degree instead of well placed specialist in their fields. Or maybe that's it, people do this because they eventually hope they can derive pleasure from it, maybe just reach a normative state. Do we grow to be more mature, or just more conformist. Does or worldview expand or it just get narrow, and so focused that you unable to see anything else. I should really read more, I'm sure some depressed philosopher have pondered these questions, it probably leads into convoluted statements eventually leading to nihilism.
In personality psychology class (psy230) the prof stated that only the problematic and neurotic seek an answer to life, and the best solution is to not think about it. But to ignore that seems irresponsible, dareisay douchbaggery-like? I probably think this way cuz I am a hating neurotic unable to achieve my true potential due to mental constraints. oorr...have I already reached the ceiling?
Anyways back to meaning of life and all...I'll try to equate it to what people most want to achieve in their existence from my biased uninformed and naive perspective
-money
1.relationship (other human connections)
   -this begins as a physical longing (lusting) but maybe eventually evolves into a wanting to be known completely. althougth I think mostly it just becomes a fetistze of things (I've never understood the fetish of feet,  or any of the other apparent popular ones for that matter). anyways moving on...
2.Money...I'm probably wrong but I believe that Success can be attributed to this also. this is probably the meaning for many of the engineering students (most double e), arduous, metaphorically back breaking work in hopes of finding a stable source of income. of course this is can be related to number one.
-success is just what is the view of the status quo, which I think the best measure that is palpable is money, I don't think we have enough evidence of intrinsically rewarding component to success, but certainatly the people with it have, but is it enough to yearn for it...I dunno probably, but I think ill be contradicting myself then. fuuck, this is why stream of conscious writing sucks once I reflect back on it.
3. respect. whatever the society deems as respectful, I probably studied in high school simply cuz I didnt want to be looked down upon by my peers. My peers and my parents. But still I didn't get spectacular grades, the motivation probably wasn't there. but man did I like film studies class (partially cuz it was easy)
-another addendum to add this this point is self-respect, this relates to body building, and intellectual building (sounds fucking cheesy as hell). Perhaps the reason I never tried to any of that "healthy" livin is cuz i don't have much of self respect.
4. remembrance, I think this point relates to all the previous ones. this one is definitely related to a fear for death. perhaps if I'm in a relationship, have money, respect of peers I won't die. the sad truth currently is the depressing lack of any empirical evidence suggesting anything akin to a soul. I'm probably just extremely naive to think this, but we are just biological processes from birth to death, and nothing really matters.
-religion was probably started as this as one of the reasons (other reasons include population control, and a very basic, outdated and incompetent way of a moral compass that only benefited during the very ancestral time of our evolution). the sad reason to why there are so many fundies in this world is probably related to the inability to accept the cold perspective on death currently.
5. and then I guess there are people like me, whose only reason for living is a hedonist based one, dare I say libido (disclaimer, freud was a sad old pervert, as well as a bigot). Mostly what I want currently is to find good games to play, good shows to watch, good movies to stream, and good artists to follow. Haven't experienced soo many things tho, so there's always that potential for more pleasure.

So I guess the point for this basic, horribly naive, list is to say that my current thoughts on a meaning has merged with my thoughts of human qualities, that there isnt a single answer. the only solution is a generalized statement that people all think different, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is everything. meaning 42 isnt just a genius-level satire on the brooding philosopher, it's probably an answer. one of many.

So I guess monty python was right in their assertion in meaning of life.

But it's still a depressing one, essentially stating that there isn't any meaning except what you make of it.

fuck

let's discuss another topic

Today's word (based on dictionary.com) is melismatic (how awesome that even spellcheck doesnt recognize this word!)
defn: the vocal phrase of several notes sung to one syllable
I'm unsure of its meaning but I think its just when the singer tries to use their vocal cords as a physical instrument, like the sometimes annoying sounds that the singer moans that matches the backing music,
a tragic example based in the mainstream state of music would be Oh baby I love you Ohhhh-whooooooaaa-ohhhhhh-woooo yeaaaaaaa.
heh that was my best attempt at an onomatopoeia of what I think it would be.

This word brings another discussion, music, but I think i'll save that for another post, even thought my views on it is equally if not more depressing than my views of life