First official post I guess...
Well i guess it technically would be today now seeing as it's almost 12:30am. I'm doing an essay on internet addiction, which is ironic considering I'm almost 100% sure I have internet addiction. I guess the theory I'm trying to present makes sense in my case, I have a lack in self-efficacy. But it's not like I don't think I couldn't do well on my essay, it's more like I'm afraid that if I try my best and still get a bad mark I'll have no choice but to admit that I suck. Which really sucks cuz I have a pretty high regard for myself, despite being overweight, non-athletic, near sighted, embarrassed sexually. Basically I couldn't think of any redeeming qualities for myself. Will I live forever on my parent's money? I rly, rly, rly hope not. If I see myself in the future (say in 10yrs) still living with my parents due to the fact that I can't afford my own place, I'm inclined to commit hari kiri (not sure how to spell that :() that frown face looks retarded with the close brackets. of course before hari kiri I would play through skyrim, and deus ex, and own an enterprise in terran conflict, heck maybe play the new x game rebirth. Anyways I complain alot right now, but maybe it's cuz of my age. but man do I feel incompetent when compared to some of the other people my age, heck even justin bieber, because no matter how much I hate him, I still have to admit that he's more successful that I probably ever will be.
The again if I start thinking that my defense mechanism is to immediately question the notion of success, the perceived societal value of money and all that. This eventually leads to a mini existential crisis and all that bullshit. Maybe subconsciously that's why I started this Blog, to have a cathartic feeling. (well that's not entirely true, I started it cuz I found a post on adsense, and in my tired state I deluded myself into thinking I'd be able to make any sort of capital from this. So now it's mostly just for me, don't think anyone would be interested in my ramblings, not even me.
Oh and btw I'm not gonna edit any of this, cuz if I look back I'll probably see millions of spelling errors which just makes me depressed. So if it's incomprehensible at all, just know that it sounded all right in my head.
and another thing, WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE MLG ANAHEIM ON THE WEEKEND I HAVE AN ESSAY DUE AND A TEST TO STUDY FOR!!! this world is against me...yea used to have a trueman show complex before I realized a show based on me wouldn't attract any viewers.
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